I should know this by now with how many of my friends have had children, but seriously... how did a month go by already? I feel like I blinked and the 25th snuck up on me. At the same time, hasn't she always been here? Completely cliche, I know, but it's a cliche for a reason.
I had no idea how much a tiny person would change me to my absolute core. It took us a few weeks to get to know one another, but with each day that goes by, I feel like we are getting the hang of things more. The first week, I had no idea how people do ANYTHING and breastfeed at the same time. This week, I'm making coffee and feeding the dogs with her attached to my breast. Its crazy how quickly you get the hang of it. As exhausting as it can be, it feels amazing to bond and communicate with her through nursing.
Another thing I didn't expect was to mourn not being pregnant... I'll be the first to admit that my last month of pregnancy was beyond awful. My swelling made walking difficult and everything from sleeping to eating to breathing through my nose was a challenge. But I genuinely miss her kicks and rolls. I miss the long showers without opening the door to see if the kid is screaming. Dang, I miss even having the capacity to brush my teeth and put on deodorant daily. I do, however, know that this phase is fleeting, just like that last month of pregnancy. I'm doing my best to soak it up and roll with the punches.
Likes:
After-dinner snuggles with Daniel. Baby girl LOVES her dad and loves to hold on to his fingers.
Eating... girl eats like a champ. I worry I'm not producing enough for her, but shes getting bigger and has plenty of dirty diapers, so....
Speaking of diapers.... pooping in fresh, perfectly clean diapers that we just put on her. Especially at night when she is swaddled. Its her favorite.
Her Rock n Play- perfect for her daily naps while I get things done downstairs.
Blessedly, her Halo Bassinet. She sleeps pretty well in it right next to the bed, thanks be to all the gods on that one.
Dislikes:
Waking up for her diaper changes
Outfit changes... hopefully this will get better
Waiting to eat. I can't say I blame her.
Being gassy... we just started using gas drops. Hopefully this will help!
The jury is out on tummy time. Sometimes she loves it, sometimes not so much.
Schedule:
It feels like I'm 100% on her schedule, but the more I think about it, the more I realize she is kind of getting the hang of night and day. We usually wake up at 6 and she eats until about 7. Then she's down for her morning nap (hopefully) and that's when I try and squeeze in breakfast for myself or a shower. She'll be back up around 9 or 10, we eat again, and then she has a nice long stretch of being awake (which is new! I'm always like.... why are you awake.. is something wrong?). The day goes by with a little pattern of nap, eat, awake in about 4 hour cycles. 9-10 pm means jammies and a diaper change and we go upstairs to get into bed and eat. She usually gives me about 4 hours of solid sleep after that, but after 2 am, its a little touch and go. She has a bad habit of falling asleep while eating and waking up hungry an hour or so later. We're working on it!
Features:
My skinny minnie! She is still so small still, despite finally making it to 7 lbs 9 oz (and gaining 18 oz in 14 days!). She has a bit of brown hair that I'm hoping won't fall ALL the way out, slate gray eyes that I think will make their way to brown, and the longest fingers and toes. It looks like she got her momma's big cheeks and her daddy's pointy chin. She has a stork bite on her forehead and left eyelid that I joke is like her mood ring... it turns bright red the minute she is displeased. That should go away before she's about 9 months or so. My favorite thing however, is her beauty mark. She was born with a little mark on her upper lip, just like mine. I really hope she keeps it!
Milestones:
Focuses on faces
Grasps hands and objects (especially my necklaces)
Moved from premie clothes to newborn clothes
Lifts head when on tummy
Firsts:
LOTS!
Brewery
Restaurant
Target run
Pretty much everything is a first these days!
Challenges:
Well, I've got to say.... there is NOTHING quite as terrifying as seeing your 5 day old baby get a spinal tap and IV put in. When Frankie was 5 days old and we'd been discharged from the hospital, the Florida weather took a turn for the VERY wintery and we had the coldest week of the year. Frankie was so small (5 lbs 6 oz at this time, as my milk only came in the day before) that she was really having a hard time maintaining her body temperature. She was stuck at a terrifying 95.5 degrees and we were sent to the ER at the children's hospital. Small infants with infections tend to lose body temperature, rather than run a fever, so they wanted to be absolutely sure she was well and that she had an opportunity to get warm under the heat lamps in the hospital for a few days. I stayed with her in a sterile, visitor-free room for two and a half days while Daniel tried to keep the house running with some semblance of normalcy before we were given the green light to go home. She was gaining weight steadily and maintained her temperature with just a few swaddles by the final night there. The cultures from her blood, urine, and spinal fluid were negative for infection. I know hospital and doctor visits with kids are completely inevitable, but I'll be happy if that's our last emergency for a while.
Thoughts:
SO MANY. First thing, a few thoughts for new moms- Start pumping immediately when your milk comes in. Just do it. Start working on your freezer stash as soon as possible. I waited until she was almost three weeks to start pumping religiously and I regret it. My stash is only at about 20 oz.... which she will go through in ONE DAY by the time I go back to work. Also, get a Haakaa style pump. I've had mine for two days and its a game changer. I get at least an extra ounce or two ounces at every feeding to add to my stash.
Also, ACCEPT HELP, but not from people who offer it with strings attached. Take it from me, beyond feeding Frankie, pumping, and sleeping for an hour or so at a time when she does, I do not have the time or energy to hold up any end of any bargain at the moment. I'm lucky to brush my teeth or eat. I'm not interested in responding to people who expect anything beyond a sleep-deprived, slightly smelly mama in a messy house. Come bearing actual help, food, beer, or friendship.... lists of complaints, unsolicited advice, or criticism are not welcome here.
As for becoming a mom, its a constant battle between being so in love, so tired, and so anxious every moment of every day. I had no idea I could love someone so much. While I will be the first person to admit that I could never be a stay at home mom, I also know I will miss her desperately when I go back to work in late March. I fall in love with my husband more with each diaper he changes. I'm proud of my animals for taking to the huge change of a tiny human so well, as they take a backseat. There are so many emotions I'm not even able to put into words, but I find myself just tearing up at the smallest moments. While were driving to pic up groceries and a good song comes on. While she's eating and starts hugging my breast. Early in the morning when she gets all milk drunk and smiles (which I know is just a reflex, but I love it anyway).
Being a parent is the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me and I'm so grateful to Frankie for giving me that honor.
Happy one month to my little squirrel girl. We love you!
