Week 19
8:48 AM
I'm not really sure what my expectations of pregnancy would be, but right now my body is definitely confusing me. Things are changing... rapidly... and I wasn't prepared to come face to face with how attached to my appearance I actually am. The rapid changes have become kind of a weird little joke. Every new symptom/oddity that happens, I google "second trimester" and enter the first letter of whatever it is that's happened to see if its in the top 5 search results. It always is. This is still INFINITELY better than the intense illness and exhaustion of the first trimester, but I've got an itchy/bumpy scalp, swollen feet, an incredibly sore pelvis, splotchy skin, broken blood vessels on my rib cage, sore/loose teeth, and that's just the beginning. I feel like what little waist I have is disappearing too fast and my breasts are already looking... well... sad. ALREADY. I think I expected to feel a little more in awe of what was happening, rather than the slight mourning I kind of feel right now.
While I've been extremely close to my girlfriends during their pregnancies, there are still some things that you just don't know about/can't prepare for until its you. I'm ready to feel that pregnancy glow, and some days are better than others. But I'm a lot less glow-y and a lot more "HOLY CRAP WHAT IS THAT?!". Harder still is explaining this to others without sounding like an awful person, or without the "just-you-wait!" comments. If I don't immediately burst into exaltations about how glorious growing a human is, well, I'm deemed ungrateful or naive. A lot of pregnant women feel pressure to embrace this moment as beautiful and to love their bodies for what its creating (it is and I do). I'm EXTREMELY grateful for my daughter. But, dang. I do also miss my normal body. A lot. And that's also okay.
How far along? 19 weeks
Maternity clothes? I really need it to be acceptable "leggings as pants" season NOW.
Stretch Marks? No
Bladder Watch: I think I'm getting used to the routine.
Sleep? The new fun game is "how to change positions without hurting my uterus"... I'm getting better, but I didn't do so well my first few nights.
Best moment(s) this week: Can I be honest? I'm not really sure there was one. It wasn't a bad week, but I'm just rolling along, trying not to look down too much while undressed.
Miss Anything? See all above.
Movement: I wish she'd move around more, but it is definitely stronger when she does. Once a day for about 10 minutes, I can feel her and I'm hopeful she won't stop. I'll bet most of her moving is done while I'm asleep still.
Food Cravings: Mexican food again. I want re-fried beans and lettuce and (La Mexicana) salsa and sour cream. Cereal, carbs, and sweets still, too.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Unfortunately, my nausea seems to be returning a little. Meat (especially when being prepared around me), Asian cuisine, and heavily seasoned food in general is making me dry heave.
Gender: Girl
Labor Signs: No
Pregnancy Symptoms: Hip/round ligament pain and all the lovely physical changes discussed above.
Belly Button in or out? In
Rings on or off? On, but the feet swelling gives me a hint of what's to come...
Happy or Moody most of the time: Both. I'm content, but I cry a lot these days. At least once a day, really. I'm not normally much of a crier (unless PMSing or drinking too much wine), so this is foreign territory for me. I cry listening to music, while petting my dogs, while holding other babies, while texting my mom, while on walks, while watching comedies and crime documentaries. I just cry. All. the. time. Help.
Looking forward to: Our 20 week ultrasound next week. I feel like I haven't seen her in ages and I can't wait to see how she has changed! I also would just like to double check she's still a she... as silly as that seems.
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